Knapp's Relationship Model

 

Friendships, romantic partners, parental figures, bosses, coworkers and business partners. What do they have in common? Well, you’ll probably experience most of the elements of Knapp’s relationship model in dealing with each one. Knapp had a some pretty interesting ideas on the development of relationships and (unfortunately) on their decline. Mostly that the second law of thermodynamics applies to relationships (if you don’t get the joke it’s ok it’s not funny). To put it another way, all things naturally have an end. Knapp conveys the trajectory with this model.

Looking at this, I have no doubt that readers will have momentary flashbacks to previous relationships. Childhood friends, romantic partners, and many more all have very similar starts and often very similar ends. In the internet age this is even more self-evident. A friend of mine actually rapidly shifted through this model multiple times within a matter of weeks. As for me personally, I’m a happily married man. Amanda and I have been together for six years, and we have been in the bonding phase for the vast majority of that time.  It’s a sobering realization that every relationship you have could naturally progress to the terminating point. My wife would not be happy, and neither would I. Fortunately, things aren’t that simple. The Knapp model above is missing an important component, social investment.

There we go, much better.  

Relational maintenance is not a magical solution. Integrating, Bonding are activities that require dedication, time and effort. It’s also important to note that differentiation and circumscribing are not purely points of no return. Relational maintenance can act as a balancing tool during these two steps. This is pretty good news for my marriage, as we always make sure to spend time bonding and growing together. We aren’t perfect individuals, but we actively participate in our relationship and support when possible. Far from being a cautionary tale, Knapp’s model gives me renewed confidence that positive relationships can be maintained and prosper. That said, there is an important insight to be had here. Long term relationships require constant energy and time investment. This also means that only a limited number can be maintained at once. Quality over quantity.