Knapp's Relationship Model

 

Friendships, romantic partners, parental figures, bosses, coworkers and business partners. What do they have in common? Well, you’ll probably experience most of the elements of Knapp’s relationship model in dealing with each one. Knapp had a some pretty interesting ideas on the development of relationships and (unfortunately) on their decline. Mostly that the second law of thermodynamics applies to relationships (if you don’t get the joke it’s ok it’s not funny). To put it another way, all things naturally have an end. Knapp conveys the trajectory with this model.

Looking at this, I have no doubt that readers will have momentary flashbacks to previous relationships. Childhood friends, romantic partners, and many more all have very similar starts and often very similar ends. In the internet age this is even more self-evident. A friend of mine actually rapidly shifted through this model multiple times within a matter of weeks. As for me personally, I’m a happily married man. Amanda and I have been together for six years, and we have been in the bonding phase for the vast majority of that time.  It’s a sobering realization that every relationship you have could naturally progress to the terminating point. My wife would not be happy, and neither would I. Fortunately, things aren’t that simple. The Knapp model above is missing an important component, social investment.

There we go, much better.  

Relational maintenance is not a magical solution. Integrating, Bonding are activities that require dedication, time and effort. It’s also important to note that differentiation and circumscribing are not purely points of no return. Relational maintenance can act as a balancing tool during these two steps. This is pretty good news for my marriage, as we always make sure to spend time bonding and growing together. We aren’t perfect individuals, but we actively participate in our relationship and support when possible. Far from being a cautionary tale, Knapp’s model gives me renewed confidence that positive relationships can be maintained and prosper. That said, there is an important insight to be had here. Long term relationships require constant energy and time investment. This also means that only a limited number can be maintained at once. Quality over quantity.

Pros and Cons of Social Media

What can I say about social media that hasn't already been said? I'm not a heavy user myself, but it is clear that there are niche services and communities that form in each. Social media provides a level of interconnectivity that allows groups and individuals to interact regardless of geography and culture. That said, many (such as Facebook) excel at creating ideological echo chambers. On one hand this permits exactly the kind of validation that a lot of people look for in their daily interpersonal communication. On the other, it insulates individuals and groups from constructive feedback on their ideas and perspectives. From the perspective of immediate individual gratification there are few good substitutes, but in terms of long term mental health(as well as ideological radicalization) there are numerous indications of issues.

One oft cited study regarding mental health and social media was conducted by Facebook themselves regarding their Instagram platform. The study found that teenage girls were more likely to view themselves negatively after viewing Instagram content. Specifically increasing suicidal thoughts and eating disorders. This is completely unsurprising, and ultimately (I feel anyway) reflects a longer history of toxic marketing culture. That doesn't make it any less of an issue, just a new (and maybe more universal) iteration of an old problem.  Also unsurprisingly, Facebook has gone to great lengths to distance itself from its own study's findings.While Instagram isn't technically the same platform as Facebook, I think the assocation is close enough to justify mention.

 

Image property of Clairview Health https://www.clearvuehealth.com/images/social-media-depression/

 

Facebook (and social media in general) is certainly not all bad. It is an excellent way to begin and maintain relationships that don't require a lot of maintenance. It provides a medium to connect with people or communities that share ideas. The tribalist tendencies can be offset by balanced offline interpersonal communication. As the sole means of communication with the outside world though? You're likely to come out hating yourself, humanity or both.

Then there's the bigger question. Is Facebook accountable for any negative mental effects of the content it hosts? For me, this comes down to an issue of what is enforceable. The self-image of young teenagers has long been a target effected by marketing, so there is a much larger social issue at work. It needs to be addressed, but it also needs to be evaluated on a much deeper level.  Age restrictions are also laughably difficult to enforce without mass surveillance, which is definitely off the table. However, in demonstrable cases where someone’s mental state has been adversely affected by content hosted by social media they should be legally liable. They should also be pushed to reformat their platform as necessary.

A couple of related articles for those interested:

https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2021-09-23/facebook-fb-big-tobacco-moment-internal-mental-health-research

https://www.npr.org/2021/10/05/1043194385/whistleblowers-testimony-facebook-instagram